My Child Is Lazy.

It is one of the things I hear parents say A LOT. Some version of the following – my child is lazy / I need to know how to motivate a lazy teenager / why is my kid so lazy?

I’m going to answer it but buckle up cause it might be a bumpy ride.

How to motivate a lazy teenager?

The problem with the question is the use of terms lazy and motivate in the same sentence. I’m gonna suggest that lazy is actually just a way of explaining lack of motivation that makes the person observing feel better somehow.

If you say your kid is lazy, you are removing yourself from the equation and relieving any responsibility that you might have. You feel better for a second, but if you sit with it – saying your kid is lazy doesn’t feel very good. That is the signal that we need to be looking deeper.

So instead of lazy as a label let’s address the actual problem – lack of motivation.

My child is not motivated to do anything

Doesn’t that simple change in the way you are looking at it feel better. Lazy feels like a fatal flaw by lacking motivation is a problem that you can try to solve.

2020 was the year of boredom and for many of us that has stretched in the winter and spring of 2021. To ease the boredom and then mental load as parents we relaxed lots of standards because we all felt a little stuck and in survivor mode.

It might feel VERY UNFAIR to all of us – but expectations didn’t change for lots of things. The lack of progress in these circumstances is why you might be saying, “my child is lazy”. Your child lacks motivation.

What is motivation?

Motivation is having a motive. What is a motive? According to Webster’s Dictionary, “something (such as a need or desire) that causes a person to act”.

Of course it isn’t that simple (things usually aren’t) because what we as parents need/desire may be very different from our kids (especially those teens that are pushing for independence).

How do I motivate my kid?

Learn about the types of things that destroy motivation, the types of motivation, and evaluate how you might have been approaching things from the wrong direction (bribes and punishment rarely create long lasting motivation).

You have to be a student of your child. What do they like? You are gonna need to observe them. Figure out what makes them tick. Connect with them. This may take time.

If there has been resentment building (I’m gonna guess that is yes since you have been feeling like your kiddo is lazy), then know at first they are NOT going to trust you when you make an honest effort. Remember that they know you’ve been thinking, “my child is lazy”.

I need more help to learn about motivating my kid

No worries. There are lots of amazing resources, but one the most digestible and actionable trainings I’ve done is a workshop and book by Julie Polanco at Julie Naturally, LLC.

She has a podcast called the Crunchy Christian and offers lots of tips and insights, but I want to specifically mention her Boredom Busters Bundle.

The Boredom Busters Bundle includes:

Workshop: When Bribes and Punishments Stop Working
Book: 100 No and Low Cost Way to Motivate Kids
Conversation Starters
Challenge Box Ideas
Printable Game Boards

She does reference the Bible and Christian religious doctrine, in her workshop and conversation starters.

The information she gives is clear and easy to understand. She is honest about the mistakes she made in parenting a strong willed child and how she has changed her approach.

She talks about the roadblocks to motivation as well as how to use the different types of motivation in a way that actually helps build a healthy relationship between you and your kiddo.

The book is divided into age groups and has lots of wonderful ideas you can use immediately to start creating a deeper connection and motivation. It helps you look at learning from the child’s perspective rather than the busy parent.