Homeschool Struggles: It is about you

Homeschool struggles are real.  Just like parenting struggles or relationship struggles.  Challenges are part of life.  We’ve all been screaming inside while the child is losing it over the last few problems on a worksheet. I’ve been working and learning how to deal with challenges with a little grace and feel good about our day on the other end.   It has been life changing so I wanted to share with you the little tweaks I’ve made.

Homeschool struggles make us feel like we are standing still and need to be overcome immediately or they will keep us from getting where we want to go. They cause us to lose whatever momentum we’ve built up.  When we let the problems grow they become the roadblocks standing in the way of allowing us ever to get there at all.

With all this in mind, it’s no wonder challenges look so daunting. You might as well pack up now and go home. Right?

Wrong!

Reframe your mindset about homeschool struggles.

What if obstacles weren’t as bad as you thought? What if the one thing you’re facing right now might hold the solution to the very problem you’re trying to solve? Consider this for a moment: what if the problem isn’t the problem?  Don’t give me side eye.   I’m suggesting something that was more than a little humbling when I said it to myself – what if you are the problem?  To be a little more specific, what if it is your emotions that are holding you back?

It’s time to rethink challenges.

Dealing with Homeschool Struggles – the right way

Read on to find eight simple steps that will help you keep your emotions in check as you reach out and embrace obstacles. It’s time to see the opportunities you never imagined were there and to travel new roads you’ve never been down before.

1. Take a Minute

Whatever you’re doing when you hit the obstacle, quit it. STOP!  When you stop, you give yourself time to consider the options without allowing emotions to take over. You guard yourself against acting impulsively in a way you might come to regret later on that then causes everything to spin OUT OF CONTROL.

 

  Start being aware of your thoughts – you might be a little surprised.

To do this, start by taking a deep breath or two. Define the emotions you’re feeling, then wait for them to calm.  If that doesn’t work try identifying the thoughts that are causing the emotions (hint: these are often overly dramatic all or nothing types of thoughts). Knowing the thoughts and the emotions will help you address the root of the problem immediately. For example, ask yourself what you’re angry at if you are indeed angry. If you’re sad, accept the sorrow as being a natural part of the disappointment of meeting something that keeps you from your goal.

 

 Don’t rush!

As challenging as it might be, don’t try to rush through the feeling or push it down. The best way to use this setback as fodder for out-of-the-box thinking is to embrace the emotion, no matter what it is. Own it and feel it in your body. Once you feel it’s settled, you’re ready to move on. This process may take some time, but it is essential before moving.  It is also a great way to work on emotional intelligence skills with your kids.

The great news?  If you are the problem, then you are the solution.

2. Accept Where You Are

Realize obstacles happen. The more you fight them, the worse they’re going to seem. Like standing in quicksand, the sooner you come to accept the situation, the better it’s going to go for you. It’s the struggle that pulls you down. So, take a minute to tell yourself this is a natural and healthy part of the process  and that challenges (even homeschool struggles) are a sign of growth. Decide if you need to change some of your thoughts to de-escalate the emotional situation.   You get to choose how dramatic you make it.

 

3. Flip the Switch 

After acknowledging the emotions of the moment, choose to let them go by either simply dismissing them or replacing old thoughts with new more productive thoughts. It’s time to switch over to the logic side of your brain, where you store wisdom and experiences. That’s where you’re able to process what just happened and consider your options.

 

Take a step back and look at your homeschool struggles from an outside point of view. That means looking at it as if you were a stranger standing on the outside of your life looking in. What would they see right now? Question your assumptions to find a unique solution.

 

4. Get Creative

Here’s where a little flexibility is going to go a long way. Start examining the alternatives. Be as creative as possible and don’t discount anything offhand for being ‘too silly.’ Sometimes it’s those silly ideas that are going to get you thinking along a different path entirely. Sure, it’s normal to feel some disappointment at this point.

Chances are you had your path all planned out. But when you consider all the new possibilities, it’s easy to get excited about trying something new. Use this energy to fuel you toward the next step that leads you away from that homeschool challenge and into a future where you are getting closer to your goals.

5. Embrace the Lesson

Every problem holds something from which you can learn. Ask yourself what you gained in facing the roadblock. How are you looking at the world differently?  Show your kids how to accept failures with grace and learn the lesson.  This is how we model a growth mindset that we want our kids to have.  You haven’t wasted your experience, and even roadblocks can hold a purpose.

 

6. Break Things Down

Frequently our struggles with homeschooling start with trying to take on too much at once. In moving forward, re-examine the goal you were trying to accomplish.

How can you break down your goal into smaller steps? By focusing on these more modest goals, you’ll find it easier to move ahead. Also, you (and your kids) won’t be quite so overwhelmed by the big picture – this will help prevent you from catastrophe thinking next time.

7. Admit You’re Only Human

Everyone makes mistakes. By permitting yourself to fail, you’ll accept challenges sometimes occur due to human error. In some ways, these feel like the worst sorts of obstacles because it’s easy to get caught up in a negative thinking spiral when this happens. You might even start questioning your abilities to homeschool and wind up wanting to give up altogether.

Here’s where your mindset is so important.  By acknowledging you are only human after all, you’re able to admit when you are wrong, learn the lesson,  and to move on.   What’s more, you’ll be better able to accept when you make mistakes again in the future, because after all, you will. We all do.

 

8. Reconsider the Goal

In the end, it might be the homeschool struggles were connected to what you were trying to accomplish in the first place. It might be the goal either wasn’t well thought out or isn’t where you needed to be headed in the first place.  Homeschooling is about individuality and making things developmentally appropriate (regardless of age).   Do you need to put a pause and come back to this later?

Celebrate navigating your homeschool challenges

It might seem odd to be thinking about celebrations when talking about obstacles but consider this: When you celebrate your accomplishments, you embrace the journey you’ve been on, warts and all.

Bonus tip: Ask for Help

When you’re facing a challenge of any kind, it’s okay to ask for help. Mentors and support systems are essential to helping you work through difficulties.  The benefit of a mentor is clear: they’ve very likely been in this position before, and have the wisdom and insight to help you get through to the other side.   3rd grade math will not kills us!

 

Support systems are made up of those friends and relatives who support you wholeheartedly. They might disagree with you, but they always want what is best for you.  A sound support system is willing to speak up when they see you heading in what they think is the wrong direction. They’re also there to encourage you and to remind you why you’re working toward this goal in the first place – probably because you love your kiddos (even when they make it hard).

Consider professional help

Finally, don’t discount professional help where it’s needed. If you find you’re having trouble separating your emotions from the process, you might need a little bit of help in working things through. There’s nothing wrong with seeking advice from a counselor or medical professional if you find you’re overwhelmed and unable to proceed.

 If you are the problem then you are the solution.

In the end, by looking at homeschool struggles with new eyes you’re embracing a new way of thinking. Your emotions shouldn’t be what’s holding your back. Take time to evaluate your thoughts and feeling to identify any errors.  The key is in not staying there when it’s time to move forward again because by letting go of the emotion that is distracting you will get past the homeschool hurdle.